Sometimes being a parent sucks ass.
This is not something I know from personal experience. I didn’t choose to have children. However, this sentiment does come to me honestly.
Mom Guilt walks into my office more than anxiety.
“I just wonder if my own trauma is keeping me from being able to be close to my kids.”
Daddy Shame fucks up men’s brains.
“If my kid ever saw me react that way, I could never forgive myself.”
When people trust they’re incapable of doing the one thing we’re supposed to be put on this earth to do, it doesn’t really contribute to peace of mind. And a parent without peace of mind is not a good look.
But I’ve found that the guilt and shame fucking up parents’ heads doesn’t come so much from their incapability to be great parents. It seems to come from their expectations of what a great parent is. An expectation put their by convention.
Conventional wisdom tells us kids are a gift; a blessing; beautiful; and/or the most amazing experience anyone could have.
Who couldn’t be a great parent with beautiful gifts & blessings?
Even as someone who never chose to have kids, I think kids are pretty cool. They’re fun, insightful, challenging, and heart-warming.
In other words, kids are good … but they’re not that good.
And in my line of work, when this conventionally UNAPPROVED memo reaches the parents I work with, they actually become better parents.
Little Johnny still complains about not seeing Mom enough.
Little Susie asks why Dad gets so mad.
But when parents have peace of mind, the kids do too. Making it much easier for the kids to distinguish their parents’ shit from their own.